EN/ About Preferences, Part I
Fear and hate in general are feelings that arise from the unknown, if I dont grasp it, I fear it. There is also the possibility of fear to be the result of a bad experience in the past, a trauma. As a kid I never liked dogs, my mother says that one day, a huge dog of a friend, jumped on me and knocked down me when I was about 3 year olds. I just got to know this story years later, from complaining so much in the presence of any dog, she told me that.
I was always afraid, and avoided them, used it cross the street so I wouldnt be close, I never found any of them cute. If we were going to a house that I knew had a dog, I would suffer from anxiety in advance to imagine having to face a beast of those in the same room as me, or simply just at the entrance of the house.
From an early age I had contact with cats at home, in my grandmother´s house, on the street I always made sure to get close to them, encouraged by my mother, who throughout her life have probably had around 9 cats. I admired their beauty and behavior, and over time I began to further identify myself with them. There was a phase where I raised the flag to say they were the best, and could not bear dogs because I thought they were silly. This was nothing other than me trying to self affirm to an animal I have total involvement, trying to reduce the other animal that made me insecure.
When I was round 10 years old riding my bike on the my gramma´s street, a neighbor who had rottweilers came out for littering, and guess what? The dog ran out to the street! Today I’m not even sure if it came after myself, but I despaired, left my bike on the pathway, went in and closed the gate really fast. It was scary, I thought I was going to die and this reactivated that trauma.
Over time I could not get away from certain situations involving dogs, a friend that I frequented the house like mine, had a dog called Hanna and it took me a while to get used to her. I had in mind: “show no fear, but keep away, try to greet to see she leaves me alone”. I even had to deal with a rottweiler a schoolmate had when we used one or two lectures off to go to her house. I remember to explain in advance about my relationship with the species and my colleague assured me that the dog was quite calm. Arriving at her house, who received us? Fila was her name, huge, and really very calm, just came to see who were coming, let her smell me as I repeated with my heart racing, my internal mantra: “show no fear, but keep away, try to greet to see if she leaves me alone”.
It was by having to go through such situations, rather than avoiding them, I began to notice more canine behaviours, find out that they bark but do not bite and do not attack for anything, understand gestures, noises, all this that for me It was scary and I could never find out whether they were good or bad.
PT/ Sobre Preferências, Parte I
Medo e ódio em geral são sentimentos que surgem do desconhecido, se eu não domino, eu temo. Também existe a possibilidade do medo ser resultado de uma expêriencia ruim no passado, um trauma. Desde criança eu nunca gostei de cachorros, minha mãe diz que um dia, um cachorro enorme de uma amiga, pulou em mim e me derrubou quando eu tinha uns 3 aninhos. Eu só soube dessa estória muito tempo depois, de tanto reclamar na presença de qualquer cachorro, ela me contou.